Trafficking Spoken Word

As my big girl heels hit the cracked up pavement just outside my door

I lean against the railing look up at the bright stars against the dark sky for a moment

Wondering if there is a God up there who actually cares.

Breathing in so deep, I say a short prayer to no one really

That this would be my last night standing in the street

Turning away I suck in my last hit

Tug on my small skirt, and curl up my lip, in a forced smile

Watching the distance, and all the demeaning stares

From mothers, and fathers, and the children they are teaching to be disgusted by me

But what they don’t know,

What they DON’T know

When I was a child

I used to dream, big dreams

I wanted to be a doctor so I could fix the broken people

But now as I lay down each night on my cold bed

The patient to some other person’s sick role-play

I internally scream at God “WHY ME?!?!”

I didn’t choose my life

I was packed up, drugged up, and thrown on a ship

Forced against a mattress, with chains above my head

Given so much crack cocaine and heroin that my very foundation of being became a search for my next meeting to make money so I could get my next high.

They took EVERYTHING that I had

Smuggling me in for this trade

I was Beaten bartered and Broken until now I obey!

So don’t judge me

You’ve never had to live this kind of life!

I fight so hard to keep up my tough exterior

To make people feel inferior

The way I felt when I was crying myself to sleep each night

Hidden away in a basement with a dozen others

Flying so high on our new found love that we couldn’t formulate our physical escape

Instead we finally succumbed to the drugs

Hopeless to ever taste freedom, we were numbed

Given no choice but to work their world

Selling our dignity on the corner to anyone willing to take a piece.

Mentally dismantled, brainwashed, and reassembled

To believe that I was worthless

A piece of property up for rent

With no rights of my own

Mentally dismantled, brainwashed, and reassembled

To believe that I was worthless

A piece of property up for rent

With no rights of my own

I used to dream in color, but now, at night

When the lights go out and I’m left to my own mind

The tears pour down my cheek

And my nightmare continues

I dream in black and blue, and dark shadows too,

I WANT to dream of freedom

I WANT to believe I’ll get out

But I don’t have enough faith.

It was left in a crate three years ago, when I believed someone would find me, and take me away.

But Prince charming never comes.

My white horse is still in a stable

And the sun never seems to rise on my gray-scaled eyes

Searching the horizon for some point to this world

Some reason to keep opening my curtains each morning

So, I turn away from their insulting eyes

My heels clicking down the streets

I ignore the degrading stares looking me up and down

And hope that the next person will be so kind

As to actually mean it when he tells me I’m beautiful

And then Just maybe, I’ll find hope again, and the will to get away from my bondage trade.